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NatalieNatalie Gray

I’m an ordinary being who spent the first 25 years of this adult life searching for meaning and answers. This seeking took many forms including: trying to find a calling (as an actress, teacher and life coach), through self-help and awareness seminars, through study and initiation with various spiritual teachers and teachings and through the use of drugs. After coming to the realization that no one or no thing outside of me was going to provide the answers, an intense internal search for the truth ensued. “The end of seeking” occurred in 2010. There were no more questions. There was no more need for answers. What was sought had been found.

Since then, the interest is in sharing that experience and subsequent insights through my blog and in videos on YouTube. If you are interested in having a discussion, you can reach me by email to set up an appointment to talk either by phone or Skype.


HowardHoward Ward

What does it mean to live a life of full contact with the  actual?

Who or What Are We?

Do we live our short human existence out of a virtual thought-reality, or in direct contact with the boundless energy of life?

Who or what is this imagined “I/me” that is going to be enlightened in an imagined future?

Is this an actuality or a thought-created virtual reality, a fiction?

What’s left when the thought-created virtual reality is seen clearly as a fiction, and no longer confused for the actuality?

Email: knowself at



Pic with ZorbaItai Faierman

When I was a small boy, perhaps 4 or 5 years old, one of my favorite activities was sitting quietly on hot summer afternoons, staring at the New York City street in front of my family’s apartment complex. I could sit endlessly doing absolutely nothing.

My body would slowly relax, allowing vision to effortlessly blur (as is often suggested in open-eyed, Soto Zen meditation techniques) and morph into dizzying spheres, orbs, and circles of light. This enabled a sense experience to arise that ‘I’ (as a separate being) was absent from the observation: it felt like re-turning home.

As I grew up, encountering adolescence, the teen years and adulthood, that sense of unified oneness, the ‘not-being a me’ experience, softened into a long-lost memory, and I entered, quite blindly, the insanity of sociological conditioning; what is referred to as ‘real’ life.

The past seventeen years of this illusory craziness has been spent living in Buddhist monasteries throughout the East and West coasts of the United States, reading hundreds of spiritual texts, studying with awakened teachers, having glimpses of clear seeing, etc. Basically, seeking to grasp the idea of enlightenment in order to get back to the feeling of peace, of being at home.

In late June of 2015, I was blessed to meet non-dual teacher Robert Wolfe at his home in Ojai, California. His extra-ordinary spiritual teachings and embodied presence of pure be-ing-ness mirrored the ‘home’ I was searching for, which was, paradoxically, revealed to be right here and now, when the ‘I-thought’ (‘me’ as a separate individuated conceptual creation) was not. In other words, the negation of everything I thought I knew about what I was revealed the truth of the unknown, which is Reality itself.

Moreover, within the experiential seeing of the falseness of this conditioned belief of separation, the veil of ignorance simply collapsed, and life was (and is) utterly experienced, by no one, as it is – actual, whole and complete.

Since then, I have been writing and speaking with those interested in awakening to their True Nature; the ever-present, divinely ordinary This-ness of each moment of life. Within this interactive sharing, there is a constant and consistent remembering that the ‘benefits’ for the individual are none, because there is no separate person to attain or obtain anything. All there is is what is.

However, the ‘by-products of awakening’ as Adyashanti calls them, are experienced as: (a) the ending of suffering, strife and conflict, (b) a collapse of the entire structure of fear, including the fear of death (and life), (c) a profound sense of equanimity no matter what circumstances arise, and (d) a tremendous intimacy with all sentient and insentient beings.

Put plainly, one directly experiences that he or she has never, for one moment, been anything but the Absolute ground of existence; that duality – i.e. ‘me’ and ‘you’, ‘good’ and ‘evil’, etc. is a total myth. Within this non-perceptible seeing, what one truly is reveals itself to be the inescapable, seamless substance of Is-ness, termed non- dual (not two). This is simply the awakened truth of Reality attempting to return home, again and again and again. All we must do is turn, look, and effortlessly do nothing.



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